April 24th, 2016
You never know who you are talking to. Let’s be real here. Some of the subjects that I talk about here are things that your parents tell you when you’re growing up. Unfortunately, because we’re young and dumb, we don’t listen to a bloody thing our parents say. And then you grow and realize. SHIT. Mom was right! Holy moly that grounded-me-over-everything-thing-I-did bitch was RIGHT.
CHRIST.
Well, those hard lessons are best learned when experienced first hand. They say you learn best when you make mistakes. While this is true, the less mistakes you make and embarrass yourself, the better, yeah?
So, the topic of this digital scribble today is you never know who you’re talking to. Now, when you first read that – your initial thought is that i’m referring to when you say something mean to homeless person on the street, and then the next day you walk into your new job to find that homeless dude is your new boss. And now you’re on a TV show and you’re the biggest asshole ever because you didn’t give the guy your spare change.
Was that example a little extreme? Yes. BUT, a situation like that should be taken into consideration when discussing this topic. Even though it is not the thought that sparked the idea for this blog post. When I opened this post with ‘you never know who you are talking to’, I’m referring to those ‘people’ as folks that you DO know. Not random fellas on the street you’ve never talked to before.
Five years ago, when I first got the job I have now, I was barely a real adult. I was 20 years old, and I had just walked into my first big boy job. A job that wasn’t a blu-ray selling, sandwich dealing no responsibility job. Yeah, I had been moved out at 18 and providing for myself, and I had grown up pretty fast. But when it came to actual professionalism in the workplace and proper adult etiquette, I was completely lost. I didn’t know what was appropriate in the workplace. I didn’t know how to read people. I didn’t know how to work alongside people that I didn’t like, and I sure as hell didn’t know who to talk to when I needed help. Better yet, I didn’t know what kind of people I could trust with sensitive information.
I will take this change to deviate into a quick side note. No matter what job you have, find yourself a mentor. Find someone that you can turn to when you need help. Someone who will answer your questions without rolling their eyes. You are going to hit a point in your job where you’re not going to know what the fuck to do, and you’re going to need to ask somebody for help. And if you are too proud to ask someone for help, then you’re already in the wrong mindset. You have to be okay with telling someone ‘I don’t know’. You are not the smartest person in the world, and you don’t know everything. You can ALWAYS LEARN from the people around you. So pick a mentor, and pick the right one. Don’t be afraid to not know the answer.
I thought that I had found a good work mentor. They were always around when I needed questions, and always willing to lend some helpful advice when I wasn’t sure where to turn. But, I was 21, new to the adult work life and pretty naive. What I had realized was that I had chosen the wrong mentor.
To make a long story short, I was hired in as an IT consultant for 10 months. From September to June, or the length of an elementary school year, I was to act as an onsite tech for all students and staff. Managing the network, and all technology that accessed it. So, when I originally signed my contract, the salary I agreed on was for 10 months. Well, the summer came and went, and I had been there for a full year. It was time to discuss the terms of my contract for the next year. As the school grew, it was apparent they needed tech support during the summer. So, we started getting into yearly contracts, instead of 10 month agreements like the teachers had.
After the year had passed, It was quite apparent that I was being underpaid. The work I was doing was MUCH harder and took much more skill than slingy technology on the floor at Best Buy. Yet, I was only making a $1 or so more an hour after taxes. Since the company I was working for was new, they didn’t really know how much to pay me. And me being new, I really didn’t know how much I should be paid either. So I started to do some research, and I came up with some numbers.
My mentor, who was aware of the amount of work I was doing, and also aware of how much money I was making, was helping me figure out how much I should ask from when it came time to sign my new employment agreement. I was very fortunate to have her around, because she had worked at other schools where she knew tech people as well, and about what they made. So, we came up with a number and that’s what I took to management when it came time to re-negotiate my pay.
And negotiate we did. I came into the meeting with a number, and they were more than pleased. I got a really big bump in pay, and I was happy. However, this is where the shit storm started.
My mentor, who was a teacher at the school I was working at, DIDN’T get the raise that she was hoping for, and was not happy about it. However, her little work apprentice (me) who was 15 years younger and apparently not working as hard as she was, did get a raise.
*SHIT HITS THE FAN*
What my mentor did not realize is that when my contract was negotiated for the following year, the additional funds included the two months of pay that was not included in the previous contract. So, my raise LOOKED to be bigger than hers. When in reality, it was not. In addition to that, because my position was severely underpaid in the first place, I was more so catching up rather than getting ahead. So what happened next? I’ll fucking tell you what happened next. My mentor decided that Facebook was the best place to vent her frustration. She also decided that Facebook was the best place to voice her opinion on how much money I was making, how much of a raise I got from the previous year, and why it wasn’t fair.
/facepalm
So, the following day I was scolded by many staff members. I was scolded even harder by my management company because I was sharing personal financial details with coworkers. And once said coworkers saw how big of a raise they got, they wanted one to. It was awful.
But that’s the thing. This person wasn’t a coworker to me. It was a friend. It was a good friend who I thought was looking out for me and my best interests. Unfortunately, the first chance she got to throw someone down to use as a bridge across a puddle, she took it. Now. I was in a almost four year relationship with a girl who cheated on me four times. Well, four times I knew about. But honestly, getting cheated on didn’t burn as bad as this did. I get that sometimes your significant other finds someone prettier than your and wants to suck face. That’s life. But to have a friend use you as dog shit to get a pay bump? That fucking hurts.
Unfortunately, being able to read people and see through their bullshit is a skill that you will acquire down the road. Maybe you have this skill already, but for the rest of us normal human beings we have to learn. Had I taken the time to take a step back and see if this person was really a good mentor for me, I would have chosen otherwise. I still don’t even remember how I got close to said person.
So that just really sucked. I learned my lesson real good. It was after the fact that I removed every single coworker from Facebook. I immediately stopped going out for dinner and drinks with them, and I cut off all personal relationships. There was no way I was ever going to get close enough where a coworker would get the chance to burn me again. And I can thankfully say that to this day, I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER.
If you’re reading this, you may be underage. So this might not make sense to you yet. But hear this. Going out and drinking with your coworkers will 90% of the time lead to toxic situations. People drink, they get sloppy, they say things they don’t mean, secrets get let out and people get hurt. I will warn you that it’s a dangerous place to be. And I would go as far as to say to completely avoid it if you can. Your coworkers are there for a paycheck first, and companionship last. Remember that. When we would go out for drinks afterwards, we didn’t sulk in the reality of our shitty home life. Or complain about gas prices. It was work drama, all night. Every night. If you weren’t there, you bet your ass you were getting talked about. And of course, the people who were smart enough to avoid these after work activities were always on the chopping block. And even if you’re not a mean person, you will join in. And you will have fun. AND IT IS AWFUL. And you will see the person you were making fun of the next day and you will feel awful about that laughing circle jerk you joined in on at the bar. Just take my advice. Being out drinking with your coworkers is going to put you in bad scenarios more often than good ones. Sure, you might have a great time – but you may also be doing long term damage.
Nackers, are you saying that work friends are a bad idea? No, not entirely. It’s okay to have friends at work. But you have to be so careful who you decide to pursue an actual relationship with after you clock out. When you’re at work, you only see the work Reggie. After hours Reggie could be a gossip spitting alcoholic who loves to talk shit about everyone. And that is not the friend that you want to have. Currently, out of the 100+ staff members I work with every day, I have 2 staff members as Facebook friends. And these are people who after 5 years of working with that I have 100% confidence they are actual friends. And I have not moved from that number in over 3 years. And it has made my life so much simpler. Now, this also ties into why I will not hire friends or recommend friends to work with directly, but that is a story for another day. You have to REALLY make sure you know your friends before you give them a recommendation for employment. Talk about a great chance to shoot yourself in the face.
So in conclusion, this is just a little warning and advice for you guys. And no, this will not apply to everyone in every sort of situation. It will differ based on where you are, what job you have and the people you work with. But what I can say is this. When you are choosing who you share your personal life and details with, make sure they aren’t going to fuck you. Like I said before, they don’t have that job because they wanted to be close to your Monday through Friday. They are their because they need to pay bills. Humans are scary people when they are backed into survival mode. And they will do whatever it takes to make sure they get that premium car wash on pay day. You never know who you are talking to.
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